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Holding onto your O.A.R in your relationship - Sammi Jaeger

romantic relationship Apr 01, 2022

This week someone said something to me that was a blatant excuse for why they had decided they couldn’t do something.

From their point of view, perhaps they felt it was a legitimate reason, but to me it absolutely sounded like an excuse.

It was something that made me roll my eyes. 🙄🙄🙄 Yep, I was on my judgey high horse, after all I am also an imperfect human. What they said shifted the blame and accountability from them to someone else. It was someone else's fault that they couldn’t do what they wanted.

In this instance they had shifted blame to their kids.

You’ve probably heard or maybe even said something like that before, something that sounded like:

I’m too old….
I’m too young….
I’ll do it when….
I don’t have time….
It’s just the way I am….
Everybody does that….
It’s not hurting anyone….
Nobody believes that….
I would do that if….

Again, I am human, so I know I have.

The thing about these statements though is that they move the responsibility from the person saying it, to someone or something external.

These kinds of statements remove all Ownership, Accountability and Responsibility and giving up your OAR leaves you without influence to change the situation.

Ever heard the expression “Up shit creek without a paddle?” This is the same, just swap paddle for OAR.

🛶 🛶 🛶 🛶 🛶

Fuel Co is about empowering you with the resources, education, ideas and tools you need so that you can create a Better Relationship.

But without your OAR you can’t create “better” and if your person has also given up their OAR too, you really will be up shit creek.

As Co-Host of The Date Forever Podcast, I’ve interviewed over 100 couples and experts and almost all of them have shared about the importance of date nights.

Quality time together adds Fuel to your Romantic Relationship Tank.

Yet so many couples I hear from seem to have a list longer than the one above on why they haven’t or can’t make regular date nights happen.

If you’ve been guilty of that (I know Nath and I have!) next time you catch yourself or your person saying something like: “We don’t have time for Date Nights” imagine you’ve just said or heard “Our relationship isn’t a priority” and see how that sits.

I suspect it’ll make you feel uncomfortable, because if you are reading this email, I know you do care about your relationship and that it is a priority.

As Ryan Blair said, “If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse”

Slide into my DMs I'd love to know when your next date night is and what you are planning.

Nath and I are keeping it low-key tonight with Burgers and Beers (well cider for me!)

Quality time isn’t the only way to add Fuel to your relationship.

You can also add Fuel by learning and growing together. Our online course Couple and Team is packed full of video lessons, conversation prompts, activities and templates designed to help you add Fuel to your relationship so that it gets even better and never hits empty.

👉🏾  Join Couple and Team 👈🏾


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